Ashkan Dejagah, Professional Footballer With His Family

But football feels like a thing that you're not allowed to get into beyond the age of, let's say, six. Football is a thing you're born into - your dad pressures you into supporting his team by wrapping you up in his sweat-hardened match scarves and forcing you to idolise other men who are fitter and more successful than him. You're supposed to spend hundreds of pounds collecting bits of sticky paper with players' faces on to put in a book of non-sticky paper and then repeat this ritual annually.